Imagine being trapped in an international legal maze involving 3 different countries.
 
Now, imagine being unable to work while caring for your severely handicapped son 24/7 since his mother left with the full support of her family.
 
Now, imagine being denied all information and access to your newborn daughter for over a year and counting.
 
Now, imagine being unable to return to your own country to get help for your son without becoming liable for international child abduction and  critically weakening your legal situation with respect to custody of your daughter.
 
Now, imagine a court system that professes the welfare of the children is paramount, has had the case for over a year without issuing a single ruling- not to mention changed jurisdiction such that you must travel several hundred miles with your son's medical equipment to attend all court proceedings.
 
Most people would cringe at the thought of any one of the above situations. 
 
Craig Morrey and his children are dealing with them all.
 
The Story Thus Far...
     Thirteen years ago I came to Japan for a one-year post-doctoral fellowship and life experience. To quote someone else with short-term plans prolonged indefinitely- “Mission Accomplished”. In my case though, I actually finished the fellowship. Unfortunately, “morass” accurately describes my current circumstances.
     While nobody enjoys rough patches, I have learned many things in the past few years. First, life is what you make of it. Second, helping others is one of the healthiest coping mechanisms. Third, my graduate advisor was right- inaction and unshared knowledge really is a step below ignorance. Consequently, I am sharing my experiences so others can hopefully avoid similar predicaments.
     My son Spencer suffered catastrophic brain damage during delivery. As a result, he has severe cerebral palsy and requires 24/ 7 care, mainly due to his inability to swallow. There are few facilities and little professional support for medically-fragile children or their families in our area. Counseling was never offered or recommended. In fact, the city hospital where Spencer was born has no psychiatric department. My wife’s parents lived nearby after moving from Brasil, but offered no assistance with Spencer’s care. Needless to say, my wife and I made the best of a difficult situation ourselves.
     Apparent competence, a term typically associated with borderline personalities, refers to outwardly seeming to cope while inwardly being completely lost. It also applies to traumatic stress (eg. a difficult birth/ disabled child) and professional abilities. “Tatemae/honne” (public/ private face) is the closest Japanese equivalent. Apparent competence is particularly insidious as it is seldom acknowledged by the individual or recognized by others until a major, often irreversible, crisis- if at all.
     For the second time, one of life’s most joyous events became a crisis filled with heartache. While 5 months pregnant with our daughter Amelia, my wife left Spencer and I to live with her parents. Despite similar emotional instability during both pregnancies, completely understandable fears stemming from Spencer’s birth, and the challenges of raising a disabled child with little outside help, my wife attributed her decision to leave solely to irreconcilable differences. She would not consider hormonal influences or other obvious stresses and vehemently refused counseling of any kind. She also stopped caring for Spencer completely.
     Pleas to her family resulted in accusations of relying on science (my doctorate in reproductive physiology with an emphasis on estrogen and behavior notwithstanding) and “manipulative logical attacks”. Rather than acknowledging a serious problem, her family’s “support” (denial) validated my wife’s actions. They compounded the problem by theorizing Spencer’s condition resulted from stress and “disharmony between our spirits” during pregnancy. Seemingly convinced our daughter was endangered if we stayed together, my wife insisted on a divorce before giving birth- agreeing to give me custody of both children to get my consent.
     Surprisingly, three female OB-GYNs, all of whom knew the situation, provided little assistance. The first simply took my wife’s word that everything was fine. After the second suggested a precautionary evaluation, my wife never went back. The third suspected a personality disorder, but did nothing as my wife seemed adequately concerned about a healthy pregnancy. Apparently, abandonment of an older sibling, a classic symptom of peri-natal mental health issues, is not sufficient cause to require a psychiatric consult unless specifically requested by the last person who would ask.
     “For our own good, it’s best if we don’t see each other so that you don’t get affection” was the message I received after my daughter was born- no DOB, no time, no name, nothing. After having hospital security deny me access to my daughter, my wife and her family cut off all contact. To presumably avoid any future interactions, she omitted the father’s information on my daughter’s Brasilian birth certificate (Brasilian/ US law requires both parents’ signatures for passports, etc. regardless of marital status). Her brothers acted as witnesses in lieu of the required Japanese certificate naming me as the father. They all face criminal charges (falsifying public documents) /imprisonment in Brasil. My wife is facing additional abandonment charges.
     Justifiably concerned for my daughter’s (and wife’s) welfare and unwilling to be permanently cut out of her life, I filed for custody in the Okazaki Family Court in October, 2008. Shortly thereafter, my wife fled to her grandmother’s house in Yamaguchi prefecture with her parents and Amelia. The Okazaki judge ruled to change jurisdiction, requiring Spencer and I to travel several hundred kilometers for court proceedings and delaying the case for 6 months. Apparently, a medically-fragile child is not a sufficiently-extenuating circumstance to warrant retaining jurisdiction.
     Seven months after her birth, we finally saw Amelia for the first time on March 31, 2009 - 15 minutes in a courtroom surrounded by strangers. After two sessions mediated by individuals with no relevant training or professional experience, we met with the judge on July 7, 2009. By his own admission, the judge considers my wife’s lack of concern for Spencer and general uncooperativeness to be “not normal”. He has not required a psychological evaluation, counseling or removed my daughter from her care.
     When both parents are foreign, Japanese law requires custody issues be determined according to the laws of the child’s nationality. Despite indisputable evidence (sworn statements by my wife), knowledge of the Brasilian penal code and well-defined, mandatory sentences that should automatically result in my gaining guardianship of my daughter from Brasilian courts eventually, the judge is inexplicably reluctant to rule on these grounds now.
     While everyone agrees Spencer would have much better care State-side and knows the lack of similar support here prevents me from working, we are legally unable to leave Japan without a court order or permission from my wife- neither of which is forthcoming. Ironically, I would be guilty of parental abduction. We would also likely never see Amelia again.
     Apparently, “not normal” maternal behavior, violation of laws protecting children’s rights, access to superior medical support, and the ability to earn a living are relatively insignificant factors when determining the “best interest of the children”, at least within a reasonable time frame. The judge assured me he will rule in December- fifteen months after the process began. He expects it to be appealed.
     Whenever I lecture, I like to leave the audience with a simple take-home message. Today’s message: “Beware apparent competence”.
Craig