September 4th, 2006 was the best day of my life. At approximately 9:30 am, my first child was born. Spencer passed his first test. He scored exactly 1 point (out of 10) on the Apgar scale. The only reason he got that 1 point was because his heart was still beating, albeit barely. Within minutes he had raised his score to 4. With the doctor’s help, he was getting oxygen which allowed his heart to beat stronger and faster. When I finally was able to speak to the doctor, I was told my son had suffered severe brain damage. They wanted to try a new technique that might minimize the damage. I could not read the actual waiver. It was written in Japanese. I trusted the doctors and thought to myself even if it didn’t help my son, perhaps the knowledge would help another child in the future. I passed my first test.
Within a week the doctors took my son off the respirator. Although the brain damage was severe, his heart kept on beating and he kept on breathing. He passed his second test. The doctors told us there was little more anyone could physically do. The rest was up to my son. So my wife and I did the only thing we could. We loved our son and trusted he would do what was best.
My son’s next challenge involved his inability to swallow. He needed surgery to allow us to feed him so that we could finally bring him home. Surprisingly enough, he passed that test as well.
Throughout it all, we have gotten far more help than we were able to comprehend or even truly appreciate at the time. Thoughts and prayers in all forms came from all over the world- family, friends, and friends of friends. The medical workers, our family, neighbors, friends, co-workers, and customers made sure my wife, my son and I had everything we needed. Some helped because it was their job. Some helped because they love us. Some helped because they are just wonderful people. Regardless of their reasons, they all helped.
Before our son got home from the hospital, I would say a prayer every night from my childhood with my son and thank everyone for their help. It was the only thing I knew how to do. My wife and her family taught me another way- thanking all of our ancestors and asking them for help. Personally, I would do both. I would pray to “God” in whatever form to offer thanks and ask for protection. I would visualize all of my son’s ancestors that I could remember and individually thank them for some specific thing they had done. I also thanked those I had never seen or met and asked for help. If it wasn’t for all of them, I wouldn’t have been here to even have a son. I didn’t need to understand why things happened. I just needed to trust that we would get where we were supposed to go. I passed that test and my son has been home ever since.
I am still doing the only things I can. I provide for all of my son’s physical needs. I make sure he has food, water and a roof over his head. I also make sure he is able to breathe. Most importantly, I love him and trust he will do what is best.
A parent’s job is to teach their children the right way to do things. The best way to teach is by example. A child’s job is to remind their parents what is important. My son passed his fourth test. I am still doing my homework.
My son may not be able to see, hear, speak, move on his own or even swallow now, but he will. He promised me. First, I need to do what I am always telling him to do. Thank you and I love you all- Craig
P.S. I know I have asked for a lot, but I have just one more small favor. Believe. I do!
